those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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