Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
