Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
