Need sex. Gaining weight.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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