He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize