There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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