I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
