i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
