Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize