no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
