What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
