Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
