i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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