with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she woke up with a sticky ear
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
