idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need moral support for this bender
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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