Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
