That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
