It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
