you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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