If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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