You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
