tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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