I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
