I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
