Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
