he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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