After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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