I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
