Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
