you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Panties = found
Randomize
