Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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