its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
