Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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