I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
