I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
