so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My cat gives me a boner
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
