dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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