Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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