Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
