I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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