She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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