when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
