It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
