So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
