apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
