All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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