she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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