Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Two words: nipple clamps
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