He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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