I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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