I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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