so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
