dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
be right there i have to get my cape
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
