shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
