there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
