Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
