Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just puked most of my soul out..
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