I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
