listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
