Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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