help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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