how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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