Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
